Irony of the moment

 When you think you have arranged yourself with the imperfection of a situation and life tickles your back and points to that one person that you have been waiting for all along - somehow, deep down and unknown...then you ask yourself: what is the meaning of this? What am I supposed to do? Why now? How? How? HOW?

Your head is a complete mess - moving from pure joy and happiness to despair and frustration. Thinking about how to find a solution, make everyone happy. But a final thought cannot manifest itself. Keep thinking! Keep dreaming! Life must be more than that. 

Thinking about this children's book...which must hold some truth...."So what do you do with a chance? You take it! Because it just might be the start of something incredible." 

Don't be afraid. You might miss out on something. Grab your chance! 

Toxic People

 It is very likely that everyone knows at least one toxic person. So this phenomenon is common and people deal with toxic people every day. And when you search for information on toxic people, you find a lot. I also have some of these specimen in my life and that's why I started to read about it - hoping that it would make it easier to cope with these problems. 

So what are toxic people? How to you recognize them? 

They actively look for fights. They try to make a mountain out of a molehill. When a conversation could easily fix a misunderstanding, they dramatize as much as they possibly can. 

They always need to be in the centre of attention. Especially when they are in a group, they need to present themselves. 

They lack a proper sense of guilt. They only know that they are right and the other person is wrong. Because of that, they never apologize. They are able to twist events and stories and convince other people of their own truth.

They manipulate people in order to get what they want. 

They have great expectations, which they seldom communicate. But if you do not meet these expectations, they will punish you and judge you. Even though they have expectations, they do not give much back in return.

They often argue about anything and make you defend yourself. They will then find a loophole in your argumentation and unfold the drama. 

They pressure you and tell you that you are a bad human being to make you feel bad. 

They do not support you, even though you are supposed to support them continuously. 

They do not listen to you - even worse, they do interrupt you a lot. 

They are jealous - they do not begrudge you something that they did not achieve themselves. 

They do not show any consideration for somebody and do not respect your feelings or fears and hopes.  

They take great pleasure in complaining about their life and they expect you to fix their problems. Once a problem is fixed, it will not take long for them to present you with another one. It is always about them. You do not to get to present your own problems to them. 

They are mean and want to hurt you, because it makes them feel better!

 

The greatest life of all!

 

This is to all those Instagrammers. You know who I mean. Yes, I have Instagram myself. I upload some great nature shots without saying too much about it. I like to see all those shots together and to dive into all those nice memories once in a while. I like that. But what I struggle with for some time now is those typical Instagrammers. I mean those people that put so much effort into presenting themselves and their idyllic and perfectly designed life. The nicely edited pictures of themselves, their body, their green garden or their dressed up dog. This is just too much.

I am sure that some of these people are as awesome as they pretend to be. And that’s great and fine and I don’t want to criticize them any further. I am talking about some people that I know – they either have been friends in the past or I got to know them in some way. And because I know them, I know how much they are lying to themselves and to everyone that follows them.

If you don’t know them and you read their post thriving with positivity and wisdom, they seem to be full of energy and strength and have an answer to everything. Oh, these super humans! How they manage to live the life we normal people can only dream of having! It seems too good to be true. And yes, that’s exactly what it is – it is too good to be true.

Because I know them – I have spent a lot of time with them and – it is almost funny, if it wasn’t so shocking and sad – they are completely the opposite of what they are making their followers believe they are.

The person that promotes happiness and positivity is one of the most negative persons in real life!

The person that writes about accepting others and about empathy is really jealous and mean to her friends!

There is someone who – judging by all the posts – must be a real treasure as a friend- but really is an evil and vicious person. A person you don’t want in your life.

So why do these persons lie so outrageously? Of course people also lie in real life. But so many more people think that it is ok to do so on Social Media. They probably wouldn’t (and couldn’t) do that otherwise. But it is ok to behave that way online.

It is important to be yourself. And you should be yourself on Social Media as well. Or in case you don’t want that, don’t show yourself. And don’t pretend to be something you are not. You can be that charming and wise person – but then please show this side of you to your friends and family as well. To all the people you engage with.

Be yourself. Even if you are an evil b***- at least be consistent and present yourself that way on Instagram as well! Don’t fool others. In the end you just fool yourself.

TAGE

In loving memory...

Total chaos

Abundance, but not enough for everyone

Global warming and no action is being taken

Endless pain and no escape for too many living souls.

One can lose hope in this chaotic world. For those of us that are living this reality – be brave.

I can understand your decision to spare yourself this experience.

I am on your side.

I am with you.

Always.

Wait for us.

  

Your Talent

Everyone has a talent. Our modern world merely hinders people to discover their talent. We cannot handle our world's overstimulation. It is time to disconnect from all the stimuli and to focus on the inner self. What am I good at? 

As soon as you've figured that out, start nurturing your talent. If you're good at music, write a song. If one persons likes your song, it's great and it should make you happy. 
If you help one person, it's great. You can only help one person at a time anyway. 

Believe in yourself and in your talent.  

Friends you once had...

I've already written down my thoughts on true friendship. This can be seen as an additional statement. 

People change throughout their life. Change isn't automatically bad, it just happens. Everyone changes their hobbies, their focus on life. It's normal I guess. Espcially young people change every few years. When they move out of their parents' house, when they finish their education, start working and somehow become adults. That's a lot to take in and sometimes friends become strangers due to all these changes. They start focusing on different things and become more and more alienated. Things like that happen every day. It's sad and there are days when I miss some people a lot and think of the beautiful time we once had. But I guess I should just keep and praise that memory instead of regretting it. 

People change. And so do I. People that don't want to or just can't understand and support your current life conditions, shouldn't be part of your everyday world. It's important to concentrate on yourself and make sure that there is at least one person who understands you. 

Life goes on and people come and go. Make the best out of it. 

Worrying about the future?

Many people worry about the future every day. And I do, too. If you're a thoughtful person, you're likely to worry about it a lot. I often find myself worrying too much, although I know that I shouldn't. 

One very important reason why I shouldn't worry about the future too much is:

It's the future. It's purely speculative and it's unlikely to happen the exact way you're imagining it. 

Of course it can get worse. But it can also get better. Or it can turn out totally different. 

There is no need to rack one's brain over something that hasn't even happened! The present is more important. It should matter the most. Enjoy the moment, because once it's gone, it's never coming back. If someone worries the whole life about the future, that person isn't living in the present and therefore is likely to miss out on something. 

So the present is the key to happiness. A great moment will become a great memory so that makes a positive present and a positive past. So let the future be a mystery which doesn't have to be solved now - but in time. 

Perception

Lately I've been wondering about the concept of perception and how perception varies every day and every moment. It flabbergasts me that perception of a person, a location or even a film changes so quickly. 

It came upon me when I watched a film series from my childhood. I still could remember how I felt back then when watching that film. But the feeling today is so different. 

My perception of people also changes quickly. The first impression of a person always stays in mind, but after a few weeks, when I get to know a person better, my perception of that person changes. So from that moment on, I have different perceptions of that person - the one from the beginning and the current one. And after a while, dozens of perceptions seem to dance in my head when I see that person. That's absolutely crazy and sometimes confusing. 

My perception of a city or a location often changes with the seasons. Now spring is coming, but everything still looks like winter. The trees aren't blossoming yet, the forest looks rather grey and brown instead of green. But I can picture spring arriving. I also see the city in summer when I close my eyes. People sitting outside, drinking cocktails and eating ice cream. Green parks full of laughing children. I open my eyes and close them again. Now it's autumn. The leaves are yellow and red and blowing in the wind. The weather is changing and the city has a different smell than in summer. The weather changes fast, it rains a lot. People often stay in their homes. Another moment passes. Suddenly it's winter and snowflakes are falling from the sky. The forest is covered in white, soft snow. It's freezing cold. People are wearing jackets and gloves. So many different faces of just one single place. 

Perception. Such a small word for something so big and diverse. Every day I wake up to a new world, a new reality. One day I see it through tired eyes, because I didn't get enough sleep. One day I am cheerful, one day I'm sad, another day I'm excited. Every time, the world is different. Every time, I perceive it in a different way. It is time to cherish the uniqueness of everything - every day.

Decisions

Life is full of choices, there are endless paths that one can strike. It can be exciting to come to a decision, but it sometimes is a true challenge. I distinguish between small and big decisions. 

Small decisions include the questions whether I go running right after work or after dinner, whether I cut my hair 3 or 8 cm or whether I take holidays in June or in July. Although small decisions influence your life as well, most of the time it is not so difficult to decide what to do. 

It's the big decisions in life that are the real challenges. I often have problems to make up my mind and go one path. When there is a big decision right in front of me at a crossroads, I long to look towards the end of each path in order to see if it's the right one. But mostly that's just not possible. I have to decide right at the crossroads, take one specific path and live with it. There is no turning back. That's what makes it so scary. There are things where there simply is no "undo" button. If you had a surgery, then you can't undo it. If you get married, you're married and you have to deal with it. Just like that. 

How can we be sure to take the right path? The answer is we can't. Sometimes it's good to give different options some thought, to weigh up the consequences, hear some opinions and so on. But in the end, it's up to you! Listen to your heart and do what you feel is the right choice for you. And then it's time to face the consequences! Whether they're good or bad.  

Sometimes only few words are needed to describe a topic. Check out what my fellow blogger Moretotheshell says about decisions: "Life and its options. Wonderful and horrifying"  (https://moretotheshell.blogspot.de/2018/02/treecisions.html)

How to feel less anxious - 8 suggestions

Last week I published my post on daily life anxiety, which is widely spread among our fast moving society. During the last days I thought about some strategies that help me when I have anxious thoughts. I know that every person is different and therefore everyone needs their own strategy, but maybe my ideas are helpful and inspire you. 

1. Calm down and breathe slowly - I know it sounds silly, but if you are experiencing a sudden wave of anxiety, concentrate on breathing in and out for a minute or two. Your brain will focus on breathing and forget at least a little bit about the anxious thoughts. 
2. Talk to someone - If the anxious thoughts keep coming back, confide to a friend or someone you know will listen. The person doesn't have to be a specialist. The most important thing is to share your thoughts and let them out. Most likely you will feel better afterwards. 
3. Don't drink too much coffee or alcohol - you may think it'll help you calm down, but it mostly adds to your anxious thoughts and makes them worse after a while. So instead drink enough water and tea (fresh ginger is very good in tea!). 
4. Enjoy the moment - Don't think too much about the future. Anxious thoughts often relate to the future. But the future isn't always something that you can change. Be in the present instead. Every moment will soon be past and you don't want to miss it. So try to relish every moment instead of worrying about a time that hasn't even come yet. 
5. Exercise - Doing sport helps me a lot. If you haven't figured out what sport you like, start doing that. There are so many options and there is always a sport that fits you. During and after sport, I always feel so much better, relaxed and happy with myself. It's nice to have feelings of happiness. And it's a lot easier to fall asleep after having exercised. 
6. Travel - Travelling, seeing other countries and meeting new people always cheers me up. When you're travelling, you're far away from your daily routine, your work and your everyday problems. You are in a new situation and you have the possibility to figure out what you really want, because every time you travel you learn something new about yourself. 
7. Go outside - If the sun is shining, take a long walk. Breathing fresh air calms me down enormously and helps me focus on positive things. The sun has a super power and it's for free, so enjoy it!
8. Be yourself - don't let anyone change you! If someone doesn't accept you how you are (with all the anxious thoughts that you may have), then stop spending time with that person. Figure out what is good for you and what helps you be yourself, feel good about yourself and try every day to do a lot of this stuff so that you feel less anxious and better about yourself. 

These 8 strategies help me feel better and feel less anxious about things. If you have other ideas, please let me know so that we can share our experience! 

True friendship

In the age of social media, we make new contacts every day. It is easy to connect with people even if they are living in another country. We have hundreds of "friends" on Facebook and many more followers on Instagram and Twitter. The world is full of people and I personally know a lot of people. But what makes those people real friends? 
Everyone gets disappointed by people. I also had people around me that I thought were true friends, but in the end they disappointed me and they didn't care about our "friendship". Only when it was too late I discovered that those people only cared about themselves. 

So what is true friendship? 

1. Honesty: A true friend doesn't lie to you. Friends tell each other everything straight forward and certainly don't talk behind your back. If you did something wrong, your friends brings it up right away so that it can be settled immediately. 
2. Love: True friends love you. They accept your flaws as well. They want to spend time with you when you're in a good mood as well as in a bad mood. True friends help each other and are there for each other - no matter what. True friends are there for you in good AND bad times. I've known a person who I thought was my friend and we spend a lot of time together and even went together on vacation. But once she started a relationship with a boy, she had no need for friends anymore and didn't care when I had a hard time in my life. People like that aren't your real friends. After having learnt that I am more confident. If you realize that a person only uses you for entertainment or whatever, don't feel bad to end the so called friendship. You'll feel better and have more time for your real friends. 
3. Sympathy: True friends show sympathy when you are sick or sad about something. They are also glad for you once you achieved a goal at work or in your private life. They aren't jealous, but are happy for you as you are for them! 
4. Forgiveness: Every friendship encounters problems. Sometimes one person makes a mistake and that leads to some tensions. The key is to talk about it, to apologize and to forgive. If it's a true friendship, it can survive those difficulties and even get stronger. 
5. Happiness: A true friendship is full of happiness. True friends spend wonderful times together and even if you have a lot of stress at work, you forget about everything when you spend time with your friend. A true friend makes you laugh and enjoy life. Friends do not make each other miserable. They support each other in hard times and make each other's life more livable. 

 It takes a lot of time to develop a true friendship and it is important to take some time for your friend. Friendship shouldn't be neglected. Even a relationship shouldn't have the power to destroy a friendship. Let's think about our true friends and be happy that we've found them.