Friends you once had...

I've already written down my thoughts on true friendship. This can be seen as an additional statement. 

People change throughout their life. Change isn't automatically bad, it just happens. Everyone changes their hobbies, their focus on life. It's normal I guess. Espcially young people change every few years. When they move out of their parents' house, when they finish their education, start working and somehow become adults. That's a lot to take in and sometimes friends become strangers due to all these changes. They start focusing on different things and become more and more alienated. Things like that happen every day. It's sad and there are days when I miss some people a lot and think of the beautiful time we once had. But I guess I should just keep and praise that memory instead of regretting it. 

People change. And so do I. People that don't want to or just can't understand and support your current life conditions, shouldn't be part of your everyday world. It's important to concentrate on yourself and make sure that there is at least one person who understands you. 

Life goes on and people come and go. Make the best out of it. 

Worrying about the future?

Many people worry about the future every day. And I do, too. If you're a thoughtful person, you're likely to worry about it a lot. I often find myself worrying too much, although I know that I shouldn't. 

One very important reason why I shouldn't worry about the future too much is:

It's the future. It's purely speculative and it's unlikely to happen the exact way you're imagining it. 

Of course it can get worse. But it can also get better. Or it can turn out totally different. 

There is no need to rack one's brain over something that hasn't even happened! The present is more important. It should matter the most. Enjoy the moment, because once it's gone, it's never coming back. If someone worries the whole life about the future, that person isn't living in the present and therefore is likely to miss out on something. 

So the present is the key to happiness. A great moment will become a great memory so that makes a positive present and a positive past. So let the future be a mystery which doesn't have to be solved now - but in time. 

Perception

Lately I've been wondering about the concept of perception and how perception varies every day and every moment. It flabbergasts me that perception of a person, a location or even a film changes so quickly. 

It came upon me when I watched a film series from my childhood. I still could remember how I felt back then when watching that film. But the feeling today is so different. 

My perception of people also changes quickly. The first impression of a person always stays in mind, but after a few weeks, when I get to know a person better, my perception of that person changes. So from that moment on, I have different perceptions of that person - the one from the beginning and the current one. And after a while, dozens of perceptions seem to dance in my head when I see that person. That's absolutely crazy and sometimes confusing. 

My perception of a city or a location often changes with the seasons. Now spring is coming, but everything still looks like winter. The trees aren't blossoming yet, the forest looks rather grey and brown instead of green. But I can picture spring arriving. I also see the city in summer when I close my eyes. People sitting outside, drinking cocktails and eating ice cream. Green parks full of laughing children. I open my eyes and close them again. Now it's autumn. The leaves are yellow and red and blowing in the wind. The weather is changing and the city has a different smell than in summer. The weather changes fast, it rains a lot. People often stay in their homes. Another moment passes. Suddenly it's winter and snowflakes are falling from the sky. The forest is covered in white, soft snow. It's freezing cold. People are wearing jackets and gloves. So many different faces of just one single place. 

Perception. Such a small word for something so big and diverse. Every day I wake up to a new world, a new reality. One day I see it through tired eyes, because I didn't get enough sleep. One day I am cheerful, one day I'm sad, another day I'm excited. Every time, the world is different. Every time, I perceive it in a different way. It is time to cherish the uniqueness of everything - every day.

Decisions

Life is full of choices, there are endless paths that one can strike. It can be exciting to come to a decision, but it sometimes is a true challenge. I distinguish between small and big decisions. 

Small decisions include the questions whether I go running right after work or after dinner, whether I cut my hair 3 or 8 cm or whether I take holidays in June or in July. Although small decisions influence your life as well, most of the time it is not so difficult to decide what to do. 

It's the big decisions in life that are the real challenges. I often have problems to make up my mind and go one path. When there is a big decision right in front of me at a crossroads, I long to look towards the end of each path in order to see if it's the right one. But mostly that's just not possible. I have to decide right at the crossroads, take one specific path and live with it. There is no turning back. That's what makes it so scary. There are things where there simply is no "undo" button. If you had a surgery, then you can't undo it. If you get married, you're married and you have to deal with it. Just like that. 

How can we be sure to take the right path? The answer is we can't. Sometimes it's good to give different options some thought, to weigh up the consequences, hear some opinions and so on. But in the end, it's up to you! Listen to your heart and do what you feel is the right choice for you. And then it's time to face the consequences! Whether they're good or bad.  

Sometimes only few words are needed to describe a topic. Check out what my fellow blogger Moretotheshell says about decisions: "Life and its options. Wonderful and horrifying"  (https://moretotheshell.blogspot.de/2018/02/treecisions.html)

How to feel less anxious - 8 suggestions

Last week I published my post on daily life anxiety, which is widely spread among our fast moving society. During the last days I thought about some strategies that help me when I have anxious thoughts. I know that every person is different and therefore everyone needs their own strategy, but maybe my ideas are helpful and inspire you. 

1. Calm down and breathe slowly - I know it sounds silly, but if you are experiencing a sudden wave of anxiety, concentrate on breathing in and out for a minute or two. Your brain will focus on breathing and forget at least a little bit about the anxious thoughts. 
2. Talk to someone - If the anxious thoughts keep coming back, confide to a friend or someone you know will listen. The person doesn't have to be a specialist. The most important thing is to share your thoughts and let them out. Most likely you will feel better afterwards. 
3. Don't drink too much coffee or alcohol - you may think it'll help you calm down, but it mostly adds to your anxious thoughts and makes them worse after a while. So instead drink enough water and tea (fresh ginger is very good in tea!). 
4. Enjoy the moment - Don't think too much about the future. Anxious thoughts often relate to the future. But the future isn't always something that you can change. Be in the present instead. Every moment will soon be past and you don't want to miss it. So try to relish every moment instead of worrying about a time that hasn't even come yet. 
5. Exercise - Doing sport helps me a lot. If you haven't figured out what sport you like, start doing that. There are so many options and there is always a sport that fits you. During and after sport, I always feel so much better, relaxed and happy with myself. It's nice to have feelings of happiness. And it's a lot easier to fall asleep after having exercised. 
6. Travel - Travelling, seeing other countries and meeting new people always cheers me up. When you're travelling, you're far away from your daily routine, your work and your everyday problems. You are in a new situation and you have the possibility to figure out what you really want, because every time you travel you learn something new about yourself. 
7. Go outside - If the sun is shining, take a long walk. Breathing fresh air calms me down enormously and helps me focus on positive things. The sun has a super power and it's for free, so enjoy it!
8. Be yourself - don't let anyone change you! If someone doesn't accept you how you are (with all the anxious thoughts that you may have), then stop spending time with that person. Figure out what is good for you and what helps you be yourself, feel good about yourself and try every day to do a lot of this stuff so that you feel less anxious and better about yourself. 

These 8 strategies help me feel better and feel less anxious about things. If you have other ideas, please let me know so that we can share our experience! 

True friendship

In the age of social media, we make new contacts every day. It is easy to connect with people even if they are living in another country. We have hundreds of "friends" on Facebook and many more followers on Instagram and Twitter. The world is full of people and I personally know a lot of people. But what makes those people real friends? 
Everyone gets disappointed by people. I also had people around me that I thought were true friends, but in the end they disappointed me and they didn't care about our "friendship". Only when it was too late I discovered that those people only cared about themselves. 

So what is true friendship? 

1. Honesty: A true friend doesn't lie to you. Friends tell each other everything straight forward and certainly don't talk behind your back. If you did something wrong, your friends brings it up right away so that it can be settled immediately. 
2. Love: True friends love you. They accept your flaws as well. They want to spend time with you when you're in a good mood as well as in a bad mood. True friends help each other and are there for each other - no matter what. True friends are there for you in good AND bad times. I've known a person who I thought was my friend and we spend a lot of time together and even went together on vacation. But once she started a relationship with a boy, she had no need for friends anymore and didn't care when I had a hard time in my life. People like that aren't your real friends. After having learnt that I am more confident. If you realize that a person only uses you for entertainment or whatever, don't feel bad to end the so called friendship. You'll feel better and have more time for your real friends. 
3. Sympathy: True friends show sympathy when you are sick or sad about something. They are also glad for you once you achieved a goal at work or in your private life. They aren't jealous, but are happy for you as you are for them! 
4. Forgiveness: Every friendship encounters problems. Sometimes one person makes a mistake and that leads to some tensions. The key is to talk about it, to apologize and to forgive. If it's a true friendship, it can survive those difficulties and even get stronger. 
5. Happiness: A true friendship is full of happiness. True friends spend wonderful times together and even if you have a lot of stress at work, you forget about everything when you spend time with your friend. A true friend makes you laugh and enjoy life. Friends do not make each other miserable. They support each other in hard times and make each other's life more livable. 

 It takes a lot of time to develop a true friendship and it is important to take some time for your friend. Friendship shouldn't be neglected. Even a relationship shouldn't have the power to destroy a friendship. Let's think about our true friends and be happy that we've found them.  

Anxiety

Anxiety - what a big word and certainly there are many forms of it. I want to talk about anxiety that one has to face in daily life. I for myself was recently exposed to it. After having spent some time at home recovering from my illness, I imagined what it would be like to go back to work. 

Normally, work isn't that bad. Anyway, the key is to make the best out of it. But when you haven't been at a place for some time and you know that you do have certain responsibilities and after your return you have to face all that trouble and probably your boss and colleagues will ask you all those questions you are uneasy to answer - then you feel uneasy!
So my head fantasized about my return and I imagined all those different scenarios that might happen. I really wanted to stay at home and felt a bit nauseated when I had to drag myself to work on Monday. 

In the end it turned out to be ok. Of course there were things that I had to do immediately, of course people came in and asked questions. But what I totally forgot while lying at home: I am strong and I am capable of dealing with that and after that day, I felt much better. Since then, every day was better and now I am relaxed again and I don't worry about the next day, when I have to go back to work. 

It is difficult to explain how those things that happen in one's head lead to anxiety. It is crazy what it does to you. The good thing is that I imagine it much worse than it actually is and in the end everything is fine. 

My goal for now is to work on it and to gather 5-10 ideas on how to reduce "daily life anxiety" and post it soon in my blog! 

The most important advice on Lifestyle

My new theme for my blog is lifestyle. There are unlimited possibilities on how to live, what to eat, how to exercise. My posts will rely on my experience, that's all. I cannot - and I don't want to - give advise on how everyone should live. Every person is different and there is no secret formula on how to live a "perfect" life. Because this one "perfect" life doesn't exist. Everyone has to find an individual path that leads to happiness and satisfaction. 
So my posts will only be based on my life choices and I will explain why a certain diet or a certain exercise helps me improve my life. 

So much for the introduction to this new theme. 

Before elaborating on lifestyle related themes in the upcoming posts, there is the one most important thing to remember! I myself am still struggeling with this lesson, but especially in times of uncertainty and sickness, the importance is more obvious than ever. 

Relish every day and every second! 

Life is short and unpredictable. It can be over in a heartbeat. I don't want to frighten anybody, I just want to remind everyone that life is precious and it is a great gift. So I try to not get annoyed by small issues that in the end don't matter. 
I try to just enjoy every day and spend as much time as possible outside in the calm and soothing nature. My everyday goal is to do things that I like, to treat myself and do spend time with loved ones. I know that words like "live each day as if it was the last" are frequently used. But it's true. As long as I keep those things in mind, I am actively doing something to make each day special. Doing things that I'm excited about and pursuing my goals help me realise that my life is worth living for. 

My message for today is simple: Listen to yourself, listen to your body and do what is good for you! Every day!

Work-Life-Balance?

For some time now I am stuck with my thoughts on the meaning of work. We get a good education nowadays that takes more than two decades when you consider that most people in Europe study at a university after school. During that time we do our best in order to prepare for our work life. We do internships, we learn multiple languages, we acquire IT skills. Our perfect and time consuming education makes us the best operating systems in the world. We are ready to change the world and realise our personal goals. 

But then the reality smashes our dreams to pieces. First of all, it often takes so much time to find a job. Apparently, there are too many people and they are occupying most job positions. So after putting all our efforts into applying for a job, we finally get one and then everything is great. 

Actually, that's not true! There may be people that are happy with their job, but in my experience and after having talked to many other equally frustrated young workers, I am obliged to tell the truth.

Most jobs are awful! You need to work in order to pay your bills but that's it. If you're working full-time, you leave your work in the early morning when it's still dark and you come back when the sun has already set. So basically you never get to see daylight. Many jobs nowadays - and I'm mainly talking about office jobs where you sit in front of a PC and do whatever you have to do - are meaningless for the person who carries them out. The modern office is nothing more than an assembly line where you answer emails, take calls, calm down angry customers, perform any task your boss passes on to you, file documents and so on. It is the same over and over. It surely could be worse and there are still people who are unhappier, that's for sure. But for yourself, your inner self and your need to personal growth this kind of job is devastating. 

Meaningless jobs often don't demand physical strength, but they destroy brain cells and cause mental stress. Those once young and ambitious workers often are weakenend and don't even manage to stick to their goals, to their leisure activities and they become passive and frustrated. 

Work is an important part of modern life. It is necessary to maintain a certain living standard. Everyone needs money to pay the rent, to buy (healthy) food, to travel. But there's a difference between working and working. A meaningful work means a meaningful life. Everyone should be entitled to do what they like to do. Every person has strength and they can be motivated. Why aren't there more jobs that are diversified and motivating? Why can't we let robots to the assembly line work and create fulfilling and inspirational jobs for actual human beings with feelings who have a need to reach self-realisation? 

Let's change it together!